i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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