So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
