His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
