Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
