Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
