moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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