One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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