I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
