mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
