All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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