i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
