Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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