see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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