I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
They took my balls.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
