she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And then my night got REAL pukey
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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