I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
