Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
