I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I want a musical about memes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
