Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
