When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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