jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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