How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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