Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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