Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
