I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
being pregnant is like rehab
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
