Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
