Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
