I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
