I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
