The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
