There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
