We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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