My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
