We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
