We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
