I wish life had little blips of pornography
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Randomize
