His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
