i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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