The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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