There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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