Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
