He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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