Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
