In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
