I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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