What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
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