Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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