i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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