No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
