Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
