guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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