Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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