well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
