I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
