I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
