i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
