just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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