is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize