I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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