I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
