i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
