Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
