There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
