tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
