I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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