Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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