Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
