There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
